WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize