VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
