Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
