I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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