he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
