you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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