I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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