Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
