so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
why is half of my head shaved?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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