yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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