what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
