why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
