So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
