Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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