singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No subtext here. People are naked.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
