that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
