maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
