I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
