do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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