Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
