exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
