"it" just moved
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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