Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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