Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
