its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
