I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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