u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
