tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
