I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
