I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
