He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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