There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
