I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
