yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
