you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
