He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
