she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
