Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
