you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
