We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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