i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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