last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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