I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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