the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
