What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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