You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
