Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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