i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
