fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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