if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
