What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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