I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize