i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
