Ambien. No doubt about it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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