ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Bring me that man meat
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
