If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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