"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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