I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
