I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
