her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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