My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
