I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Success! We fucked roommates!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
