if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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