help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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