New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
