you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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