Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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