who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
