Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
