Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize