i would punch a child for taco bell
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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