I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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