Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
