I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
