i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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