Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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