i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
