idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
