I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
