I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
