im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
