What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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