found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
