I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
