At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
