she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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