remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
