Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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