I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
