If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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