There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
