yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
