I love black thongs
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
