a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
