wat bout pragnant strippers??
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
