One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
