i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My vagina is very pro this idea
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
