So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
