I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
