I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
