I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
